Your Non-Negotiables: How to Define Values That Actually Matter
We all have values—those things that matter most to us. If you asked someone to list theirs, they might say “family, kindness, my friends.” Cool, cool, cool. But let’s be real—that’s just the surface.
Your values are really your non-negotiables. They’re the things that, if missing from your life, make you feel drained, stuck, or downright miserable. And when they are present? You feel lit up, aligned, and like things just click.
A Quick Example
Picture this: you know someone who’s climbed the ladder in HR. She’s been promoted, given raises, and seems to be “doing all the right things.” But she’s unhappy. Like, really unhappy.
After a simple values exercise, she realizes that one of her best memories was going to art camp—where she got to dream up and create her own projects. Turns out, creativity is a huge value for her. The problem? Her HR role doesn’t leave much room for creativity.
That’s why she feels out of sync. When our values are honored, life feels in flow. When they’re ignored, we feel the rub—that dissonance that makes us restless or dissatisfied.
Why This Matters (Especially for Moms)
Knowing your values makes life so much easier. For moms especially, it can be a game-changer:
Set Priorities – You know what matters most and can focus your energy there.
Make Confident Decisions – Big or small, decisions get easier when your values are your filter.
Model for Your Kids – When you live by your values, your kids see integrity, responsibility, and self-respect in action.
Find Balance – Values help you set boundaries, say no, and keep self-care on the table.
Build Stronger Relationships – When you know your needs and communicate them clearly, relationships thrive.
Stay Grounded in Hard Times – Your values give you a sense of purpose and resilience when life gets messy.
Basically, values are your built-in compass. Next time you’re stuck on a decision, try asking: “By choosing this, which of my values am I honoring?”
How to Discover Your Values (Fast)
The good news: it doesn’t take hours of soul-searching to figure this out. All you need are a few simple questions and some honest answers.
Try these:
What’s your proudest moment?
What’s your fondest memory?
Who do you admire, and why?
What do you love doing for fun?
Look at your answers and start pulling out the themes. From there, make a list of values that keep showing up.
Next Steps: Narrow It Down
Once you’ve got your list, here’s how to refine it:
Pick your core values. Aim for 3–5 that feel like absolute non-negotiables.
Give them a score. On a scale of 1–10, how much is each value present in your life right now? (1 = not at all, 10 = fully alive and well).
Combine similar ones. If a few overlap, mash them together into one word or phrase that feels right. And don’t be afraid to make it fun—your “Yellow” or “Lion” value only needs to make sense to you. Think of “Yellow” as bright, optimistic, and energetic, and “Lion” as bold, courageous, and strong; these values are meant to capture the spirit of what drives you, not just a formal statement.
The bottom line? Knowing your values changes the way you live, parent, and work. It brings clarity to decisions, helps you feel aligned, and gives you a sense of ease—even in the chaos.
