Mom’s Guide to Getting Help from Your Partner (Without Sounding Like a Boss)
Let’s be real: running a household is a full-time job—with overtime. Between school drop-offs, soccer practices, never-ending laundry, and the elusive quest for a clean kitchen, it’s easy for the mental load to fall mostly on mom. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to do it all, and chances are, your partner wants to help (or at least is open to it). The trick? Getting them on board without sounding like you're handing out a chore chart.
Here are some smart, respectful, and sanity-saving ways to encourage partners to step up—without stepping on toes.
1. Swap “Help” for “Teamwork”
Words matter. Telling your partner to "help more around the house" can unintentionally sound like it's your job and they’re just pitching in. Try shifting the language to “teamwork” or “sharing the load.” Say something like, “We’re both swamped—how can we divide and conquer this week?” Framing it as a joint effort sets the tone that you're equals, not manager and assistant.
2. Be Specific (Because Mind Reading Isn’t a Superpower)
You may see an overflowing laundry basket and think, “Why don’t they just DO it?” They may see it and think, “That’s tomorrow’s problem.” Avoid assumptions and be specific with what you need: “Hey, would you mind folding the laundry tonight while I prep lunches?” You’re not nagging—you’re delegating like the domestic CEO you are.
3. Appreciate, Don’t Micromanage
Let them load the dishwasher their way—even if it makes you twitch a little. If you ask for help and then critique the way it’s done, you’re more likely to discourage future involvement. Unless it’s a safety issue or truly disastrous (like mixing whites and reds), let it go. And don’t underestimate the power of a simple, sincere “Thanks for taking care of that.”
4. Create a Family Command Center
A shared calendar can eliminate confusion over who’s doing what. Whether it’s a whiteboard in the kitchen, a shared Google Calendar, or something more technologically advanced like the Hearth Display, it helps to list out meals, appointments, and daily tasks. You can even assign responsibilities with names—no need for a rotating chore wheel, just clarity. When everyone sees the plan, it becomes less “Mom’s invisible mental to-do list” and more “our family game plan.”
5. Hold a Weekly “Check-In”
Think of it as a team huddle—but with coffee instead of clipboards. Take 15 minutes on a scheduled day to talk through the upcoming week. Who’s doing school pick-up? Who’s cooking? What’s the one area where each of you needs support? These check-ins reduce friction and help prevent resentment from quietly building up behind polite smiles.
But beyond logistics, this can also be a rare moment of calm just for the two of you—no kids interrupting, no phones buzzing. Whether it’s over a quiet cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after bedtime, treat it as a chance to reconnect as partners, not just co-parents or roommates. That small ritual of undistracted connection, even once a week, can go a long way in keeping your relationship strong.
6. Pick Your Battles and Know When to Let It Slide
Yes, you could point out the socks they left next to the hamper again. Or… you could just let that one go and save your energy for the bigger picture. Every family has its quirks, and perfection isn’t the goal—functioning (mostly) smoothly as a team is.
7. Laugh Together (Even When the House Is a Mess)
Sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh about the chaos. The toddler painted the dog with peanut butter? The fridge smells like a science experiment? Welcome to the show. Humor helps keep stress in perspective and reminds you both that you're in this together.
A Few Organization Tips to Keep Everyone in the Loop:
Use labels on bins, drawers, and shelves so anyone (even reluctant helpers) can find things easily.
Color-code chores or activities by family member—especially useful on calendars or task lists.
Meal plan together—even just loosely. Let everyone choose one meal a week to avoid “what’s for dinner?” fatigue.
Assign “default duties.” For example, Dad does baths, Mom handles bedtime stories—or rotate weekly so one person doesn’t get stuck.
Final Thoughts:
Encouraging dads to be more involved doesn’t have to feel like a confrontation—it’s really about communication, clarity, and mutual respect. Most partners want to contribute but might not know where to jump in. Think of it less like managing a staff and more like building a team. One where everyone knows the plays, and nobody’s carrying the whole game alone.
And hey—if he folds a fitted sheet, tell him he’s a wizard. You both deserve a win.
Editor’s note: At Hello Mamas, we love sharing great health and wellness tips, but this is not medical advice. Always consult your doctor or healthcare team before starting any new routine or treatment. Also, at Hello Mamas, we share products we personally love and may earn a small commission from affiliate links. This doesn’t affect the price you pay. We only recommend products we genuinely believe in, but your experience may vary.
