Bringing Back the Foreplay, Without Rushing to the Finish Line
Let’s be honest: when you’re a mom, sex can sometimes feel like a speed-eating contest, except instead of hot dogs, it’s your partner trying to race from “Hey babe” to “We’re done here” in under five minutes.
And if you’re anything like most of the women I coach, you’ve probably had nights where you’re thinking, Did we just skip the warm-up? Or worse, Did we skip the actual fun part?
You know the fun part I’m talking about, the magical part? The slow, teasing, melt-into-each-other kisses. The lingering hands. The anticipation that builds until you can’t not touch each other. That’s foreplay and somewhere between meal time, work calls, and kids activities, a lot of couples have misplaced the magic.
I get it, as a mom of four. I’ve lived through every version of “quick and quiet”. But here’s the thing: foreplay isn’t a frivolous extra. It’s the very thing that turns sex from a chore back into something special - which is what it is meant to be.
Foreplay tends to disappear for the same reason date nights disappear. Life takes over!
When you’ve got toddlers who sense your absence like tiny security guards, teens who stay up later than you do, and a brain carrying the mental load of an entire household, there’s often this unspoken pressure to get it done before someone is yelling looking for something!
And then there’s mom fatigue. After spending all day as an Uber driver, a personal chef, an emotional support animal, and CEO of Everything, your body sometimes just wants Netflix and a glass of wine, not an enthusiastic husband who thinks a single bum squeeze is the international sign for “let’s go.”
The result? Sex becomes more about efficiency than connection. And the moment you remove the slow build, you remove the oxygen that feeds the fire.
And this is where the issue lies - foreplay is most important for YOU! It’s what helps you make the mental and physical shift from “I’m still thinking about the grocery list” to “Wow, my body feels alive.”
As women and especially as moms, our body needs time. Time to let all the noise quieten down. Time to feel safe, desired, and in the mood. Without that, sex can feel like fast food. You ate, sure, but you’re not exactly satisfied. You can’t just hope for foreplay. You have to make space for it. Both of you! And yes, it can happen even if you’ve got little ones in the next room or you’re bone-tired.
Try some of these tips:
Create ‘micro- moments’ of connection. Not all foreplay needs to happen under the covers. Sometimes it’s about sprinkling little moments of intimacy throughout the day, send a flirty text, a cheeky squeeze in the kitchen, a quick kiss that lingers just two seconds longer than usual. These tiny sparks keep you connected so you’re not starting from zero at bedtime.
Reframe touch. One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is: “Every time I touch him, he thinks it means sex.” Which can make you avoid touch altogether. Instead, have the conversation: “Sometimes I just want to cuddle without it turning into anything more. And sometimes I want to take it further, I’ll let you know.” Clear signals make it easier for both of you to enjoy non-sexual intimacy and know when to turn it up.
Slow down under the covers. Many men have been conditioned to think sex is all about the main event. But as a somatic intimacy coach, I can tell you: the magic lives in the build-up. Try setting a timer, yes, really, for 20 minutes where penetration is off-limits. You’ll be amazed how much more connected and turned on you feel.
This is where my IntoUsSee card deck comes in (Launching this fall at ilubify.com). It’s 96 playful prompts designed to help couples explore touch, breath, and connection without the goal of rushing to the finish line. Think of it as a fun game night for your bodies, one that slows the pace, deepens the experience, and reminds you why you fell for each other in the first place.
Let’s not forget Lube! I’d like to clear up one myth: needing lube is not a sign something’s wrong with you. In fact, using it almost always enhances sensation and makes the whole experience more enjoyable. And let’s be honest, after kids, our bodies respond differently, especially when you’re tired or stressed. This is exactly why I created Lubify Luxe Lube Neroli (ilubify.com). I wanted a lube that felt elegant and appealed to all my senses! The tube is chic enough to leave out without having to hide it every time your kids walk in. And the scent? Neroli oil with a whisper of cedarwood oil will help get you in the mood, so it feels more like slipping into a silk robe after a warm bath. It’s mood-setting. It’s sensual. And in a world where sex sometimes has to happen between bedtime stories and loading the dishwasher, a product that instantly elevates the mood is worth its weight in gold.
Think of foreplay as the bridge between your busy, mom-brain day and your sensual, fully-inhabited feminine self. It’s not just physical, it’s emotional and mental, too.
That means foreplay can start hours before anything physical happens. It’s about creating a climate where your body wants to respond, not where you’re forcing it to.
Because let’s be honest, “just set the mood” sounds lovely, but here’s what it looks like in reality:
Get the kids distracted. I’m not above giving them a Disney marathon if it means we can have 30 minutes together.
Reclaim mornings. Sometimes nighttime is just too… tired. Morning sex (or even morning foreplay) can feel fresh and fun.
Make foreplay part of date night in. No need for babysitters every week, light candles, put your phones away, and play a few rounds from IntoUsSee.
Have a “ready kit” in your nightstand. Lubify Luxe Lube Neroli, a soft blindfold, maybe even a massage oil. Everything you need is right there when the mood strikes.
Laugh about the interruptions. Because they will happen. The door will knock. The toddler will wander in. If you can roll with it instead of letting it kill the mood, you’ll keep the connection alive.
The bottom line is that foreplay isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity, especially in a busy household. It’s what transforms sex from something you squeeze in before sleep to something you look forward to all day.
So, slow it down. Make space for the teasing, the touching, the laughter, the not-knowing-what’s-next. Let the journey be as good as the destination. And if you need a little help? Light the candles, pull a card from IntoUsSee, and keep a bottle of Lubify Luxe Lube Neroli nearby.
Because ladies, when sex makes you feel alive, you unlock your divine feminine magic… and suddenly, you’re not just a woman, you’re a supercharged, goddess-level creature ready to meet the chaos of life with grace, power, and a spark in your hips!
