Talking to Kids About Bullying: From Both Sides of the Story
It goes without saying, we never want our kids to experience bullying. But the reality is, it’s almost unavoidable that at some point they will either experience it themselves—or at the very least, witness it happening to someone else.
What makes it so tough is that bullying often begins at a young age, right when kids are just starting to find their voice, figure out who they are, and develop their emotional skills. In fact, research shows that 1 in 5 kids report being bullied during the school year (NCES, 2023). We also know that many situations go unreported, making it one of the hardest challenges children face.
Bullying can happen in the classroom, on the playground, online, or even within a circle of friends. And it isn’t always easy for kids to talk about, whether they’re the one being hurt or the one doing the hurting.
That’s why it’s so important for us as parents to begin these conversations earlier than we think, and to keep them going often. The earlier we start, the more natural these conversations become. By helping kids understand both sides of bullying, we give them the tools to practice empathy, stand up for themselves, and choose kindness.
Why Start the Conversation Early?
Kids are still shaping their identity. Between 6–12, children are figuring out who they are and how they fit in with peers.
Bullying often starts small. Teasing, exclusion, or spreading rumors can feel “harmless” at first, but if left unchecked, it grows.
Children may not recognize both roles. Kids might not realize when their words or actions cross the line, or they may feel too embarrassed to admit they’re being bullied.
The earlier kids learn to recognize these situations, the more confident they’ll feel making positive choices.
Helping Kids See Both Sides
The Child Being Bullied
A child who is bullied may feel isolated, scared, ashamed, or unsure of who to turn to. Often, they keep it to themselves out of fear that telling will make it worse or because they don’t want to “cause trouble.” But what’s important for parents to remember is that bullying doesn’t just happen in a vacuum, it often intersects with what’s going on in a child’s life.
Family changes such as divorce, a move, or a parent’s new relationship can leave a child feeling unsettled or vulnerable.
Loss or grief—like the death of a loved one or even the loss of a pet—can make a child more emotionally fragile and an easier target for peers.
Differences in appearance, ability, or interests (wearing glasses, having a learning difference, loving a unique hobby) can draw unwanted attention.
Social struggles like being new at school, not being part of a friend group, or feeling “different” from peers can create openings for bullying.
These moments of transition or vulnerability can amplify a child’s feelings of being “othered,” making them more likely to be picked on.
The Child Bullying
On the other side, children who bully are rarely “bad kids.” Instead, their actions are often a reflection of unspoken stress, unmet needs, or a struggle to process their emotions. Understanding why doesn’t excuse their behavior—but it does open a door for empathy and change.
Some common triggers include:
Stress at home—divorce, financial struggles, or a parent’s absence can create instability that a child acts out at school.
Grief or big life changes—the loss of a loved one or moving to a new place can leave kids feeling powerless, so they seek control in unhealthy ways.
Insecurity and self-esteem struggles—sometimes kids push others down to feel bigger or stronger themselves.
Peer pressure—the desire to fit in or gain approval from friends can lead kids to go along with unkind behavior they wouldn’t do on their own.
Exposure to aggression—whether through media, siblings, or adults, kids often mirror the conflict styles they see around them.
Why Seeing Both Sides Matters
When kids are able to put themselves in both positions, the one being bullied and the one doing the bullying, they build empathy and perspective. They start to see that small things, like teasing, excluding, or rolling their eyes, can deeply hurt someone who’s already going through a tough time. They also learn that kids who lash out may not be “mean,” but rather struggling in ways we can’t see.
By normalizing these conversations, we help children recognize the ripple effect of their words and actions, and equip them to stop harmful behavior before it grows, or to step in and support a friend who needs it.
Conversation Starters for Parents
To Talk About Being Bullied
“Have you ever seen or felt left out at school? What was that like?”
“If someone said something mean to you, what could you do? Who could you talk to?”
“What does it feel like when someone stands up for you?”
To Talk About Bullying Others
“Have you ever laughed at a joke about someone? How do you think they felt?”
“Why do you think some kids are unkind to others?”
“What are better ways to let out anger or frustration instead of taking it out on someone else?”
To Build Empathy and Solutions
“If you saw a friend being picked on, what could you do to help?”
“What’s one kind thing you can do this week to make someone feel included?”
“How do we want people to feel when they’re around you?”
Why Ongoing Conversations Matter
Bullying isn’t a one-time topic. Checking in regularly helps kids feel safe opening up, especially as they encounter new situations both in person and online.
Remind your child:
They’re not alone.
They always have choices.
Their words and actions have the power to hurt or heal.
✨ At Bright Littles, we believe everyday conversations are how we raise kinder, more thoughtful leaders. Whether it’s through our Feelings and Leadership Journals or our digital conversation starters on topics like bullying, we make it easy to connect with your little one and build skills that last a lifetime.
Bullying doesn’t just stop on the playground—it can show up in workplaces, boardrooms, and even within neighborhoods and communities. Talking about bullying from both sides prepares kids to navigate friendships, conflicts, and communities with empathy and courage.
